How is your attitude of gratitude coming along? What gratitude practices are you cultivating?
This is what I was musing on last time, along with not falling into the trap of Pollyanna-style toxic positivity. No one needs that.
But like all practices, gratitude practices take…well, practice.
I used to work as a physiotherapist (physical therapist). More on that here. I was talking with a friend recently about her recovery from a very serious soft tissue knee injury. She had seen her consultant, who had commended her on her excellent progress. Her view:
She had simply done her exercises.
They had been hard and repetitive. Weeks of slow and often frustrating rehab followed. And the exercises had worked, as demonstrated by her ability to walk fluently down stairs. She showed me with glee, and I ooh-ed and aah-ed with enthusiasm….I may not have worked as a physio for over a decade, but I can’t ever switch that part of me off!
Her consultant’s view of her progress was somewhat more nuanced. Yes indeed, she had done her exercises. But therein lies the key – he identified that her mindset is more important than anything else. She had followed the medical and physio advice, done what she was told, worked hard and consistently at her rehab.
And she got better.
Not everyone does their exercises, either literally or metaphorically.
Most of us don’t suffer from a lack of Information, but Motivation. Knowing what to do and actually doing it are very very different things.
I see this in my work as a life coach, as much as my work as a physio. Making changes to how we think, what we focus on, and our choices takes hard and repetitive work. Stopping very well rehearsed negative thinking and choosing to set up new positive thinking pathways does not happen overnight. And making different choices, changing behaviour and creating new habits takes consistent and intentional practice.
As a client observed recently, changing decades of negative wiring is not going to happen quickly and easily.
So too with gratitude practices.
We know that gratitude is good for us. But choosing to practice gratitude, especially when we don’t feel like it, can be wearisome. Our brains are more negatively biased, as I was talking last time, so it takes WORK to cajole our brains to look for what is good and to engage in gratitude practices. And brains consume a huge amount of energy, so will default to what is familiar and easier if they can.
How can we cultivate gratitude practices that stick?
For me, this is about a positive feedback loop.
Imagine you are in a shop or takeaway, and the shop assistant looks harrassed or bored. You take the time (at no extra cost) to smile, make eye contact, and express a specific thankyou or share a compliment. Or you take a few minutes to say to a friend in specific and encouraging terms and without any agenda, what it is that you appreciate about them.
It feels great, doesn’t it?
Of course, there will be times when such an act of generosity falls flat. But mostly, when we give someone a specific thank you or compliment or encouragement, we spread the gratitude and share the positivity. And that feels really good.
The powerful piece lies in what happens next. When we attach that lovely warm fuzzy positive feeling to the action of saying thanks, we reinforce the thought that prompted the action.
Our brains go:
Oooh I like this, let’s do it again.”
So we repeat the action, we get a similar feeling, and this helps consolidate new neural pathways in our brain. This helps to wire in these gratitude practices.
We are more likely to stick with a new thought and behaviour if there is a good feeling attached to it.
So the more we seek out opportunities to practice expressing thanks to people and passing on compliments and encouragements, the more this habit will become established. Everyone wins.
What are some specific gratitude practices?
A gratitude list or journal:
This is simply a prompt to write down every day a few things that we are thankful for. This trains our brains to notice and look for more of the same.
A gratitude jar:
Popping a wee note into a jar every day builds up over the year and is a wonderful way to review and celebrate the good. More on our own experience with a jar of good things here.
Writing a thank you note or letter:
Yes, actual physical pen and paper stuff, like you might have got from your granny. This takes time, and it costs (postage is exhorbitant now). And it is a wonderful gift – to know that your letter will pop through the door as actual physical mail and be read, and possibly kept and treasured makes a refreshing change from either no mail or junk/bills.
Verbalise specific thanks:
Could be to a friend, a colleague, family member or a complete stranger. But saying thank you in direct and clear ways, both for what a person did and also for who they are, is very powerful.
I appreciate that you…thank you for….your help enabled me to….I love this about you….
Can be scary, but is so much fun, as already discussed. More here.
Volunteer:
Giving something back and helping in some way is a great perspective shifter. Seeing the impact, no matter how small, on someone else helps foster community and collaboration and a shared sense of purpose.
None of it is complicated or necessarily time consuming. But gratitude practices take practice, which is what I leave you with this week.